Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs) are often considered standard legal documents, but their psychological impact can be profound and long-lasting. At Octopus Psychology, we believe in breaking the silence surrounding these agreements and their effects on mental health. This blog post explores the psychological consequences of signing an NDA and supports those affected.
There’s a reason why victim impact statements have become part of the sentencing process in criminal court cases. The lack of being heard compounds the victim’s distress, amplifies their pain, keeps them feeling that their own needs are being trampled on, playing a bit part in their own lives whilst the perpetrator plays centre stage. And the injustice of this is corrosive.
NDAs leave the victim voiceless. Silencing of the victim with an NDA underlines the harm that has been caused. It ties the victim to the perpetrator indefinitely. Aided and abetted by lawyers and HR. Emphasising the power difference and subjugation of the victim’s needs to the desire of the perpetrator, it confers a sense of shame. Somehow makes the victim complicit with their own harm. The victim, by virtue of the NDA, comes to represent a sordid secret. They become the miscreant in need of rules to enforce their compliance. The shame burns.
There is a place for an NDA. They’re common place in protecting innovative ideas and products. But when they’re slapped on a person, the colloquial “gagging order” is an apt turn of phrase. Especially when used to conceal wrong-doing or harm to the person coerced into signing the NDA.
NDAs also prevent a victim from processing trauma or recovering from the harm they’ve experienced. It keeps them silently locked in their shame, fearful that someone will discover they’ve spoken.
Shame is a common reason why people seek out therapy. Often, people have spent years living with secrets. Secrecy motivated by shame. Most typically, the shame of being “such an unlovable child”, the shame of “evoking sexual desire in an adult”, the shame of “being a disappointment”, the shame of “not being enough”, the shame of “being too much”.
But with an NDA, there’s the shame of “being incompetent”, the shame of being “unable to protect yourself”, the shame of “being a belonging rather than a person”.
Unfortunately, the default response to being harmed is often to blame ourselves. If we blame ourselves, the world becomes more controllable, If we behave better, do something differently, avoid people or places, maybe this won’t happen again? It can make the world less frightening, make it seem more predictable.
When we experience shame because of how we’ve been treated, we collude with our need to blame ourselves. We accept the behaviour of those who’ve harmed or victimised us as if we are somehow deserving of mistreatment. It also makes us want to hide. And all the while, the shame festers.
How we are treated afterwards is significant in how we recover from an horrific event. When our own hurt and pain is acknowledged and validated, we shift our perspective and recognise the blame lies elsewhere. It doesn’t lie with ourselves. And we are able to put the shame back where it belongs. But it often needs others to help us. Exposure is the anti-dote to shame. Too often, NDAs prevent this.
Psychological support to victims of crimes silenced by signing an NDA
I’m proud to partner with Can’t Buy My Silence to provide psychological support to those victims of crimes who’ve felt silenced by NDAs. If you’re concerned you can’t speak out about how you’ve been harmed, do check out your legal rights with a lawyer such as Dino Nocivelli of Leigh Day Solicitors. And if you have time to support a not-for-profit organisation helping people who break their NDAs expose wrong-doing, please publicise the work of Can’t Buy My Silence.
If you’re struggling with the psychological effects of an NDA, reach out to us at Octopus Psychology. Our team of experienced professionals is here to support you on your journey to healing and empowerment.